One of the things I get asked the most is,

“How do I stop letting other people’s moods affect me?”

I find that sensitive and empathic people are somewhat desperate for a solution to this “problem.” After all, it’s quite frustrating when you’re feeling happy, light, cheery, joyful, blissed out and out of nowhere you get smacked upside the head with the dark and windy thunderstorm of someone else’s negative energy.

I decided to write this post after a recent morning of dealing with my own version of a stormy smack in the face. I woke up in a great mood and was greeted by both a tired, sick and cranky son and a tired and cranky husband. Negative energy was flying all over the place! I love them both dearly, but these are the times I wish I had my own house. Next to theirs, of course. I’d like for them the be able to visit. 🙂

The fact is, we can’t avoid relationships.

We live in a world of relationships. And the other fact is, we can’t stop being sensitive to other people’s energy, moods, vibe, whatever you want to call it because…we can’t avoid being sensitive. It’s who we are. We are always going to sense and therefore feel other people’s moods. There is no way to stop being sensitive to the energy of others when it’s an innate trait that you have. Remember, this is your superpower.

So, can you stop letting other people’s moods affect you? While you can’t change your ability to sense other’s moods, there are some things you can do to help raise your overall vibration. When your own energy and vibe are high, you are much less likely to be toppled over by the strong wind of someone else’s energy. There are so many tools to do this and I’m literally writing a book on it, so it’s a bit long for one blog post.

In the meantime, let’s talk about what the heck you can do in the moment of overwhelm.

5 Tips to Stay Grounded in Your Own Energy When You’re Highly Sensitive to the Moods of Everyone Around You:

  1. State your intention to stay positive despite the person’s negativity: It’s a very powerful practice to remind yourself in the moment that you actually do have some say in whether or not you are going to react to someone’s mood. It may feel like you are just getting sucked down and drained, however a very powerful energetic counter-move is to state your strong intention to stay in your own energy. If I’m being triggered by someone, I literally think very loudly and with as much strength as I can muster, “I desire to stay in my own energy! I desire to stay in my good mood and I’m going to do it no matter what this person’s mood is!” or “I’m going to be happy despite this person’s energy. I desire to feel great right now!”
  2. Lovingly remove yourself from the energy (if possible): When possible, stop engaging in the interaction. If you are finding yourself getting sucked in, simply and lovingly end the conversation, walk away, say you have to leave, etc. Do whatever you have to do to remove yourself from their energy. It’s important to do this with love when you can, honoring the other person by acknowledging them, and honoring yourself by leaving.
  3. Remind yourself that they are entitled to their feelings: If I’m feeling very unsettled by someone’s mood, it’s an instinctual reaction for me to think, “If only they would change (or stop acting this way, or be more considerate, or…you get the idea), then I would be fine (or happy, or more relaxed, or however you want to feel that you think they are robbing you of.) Watch out! This is a slippery slope because you are making them responsible for how you feel. Only you are responsible for how you feel. They are entitled to their feelings. (I am talking about normal interactions. Abusive situations are a totally different thing.) If you find yourself wanting, needing them to stop having feelings or bad moods so you will feel better, remember: They are allowed their emotions, their feelings, their experience. Tell yourself it’s ok for that person to feel whatever it is they are feeling.
  4. Send that person love: If I can stay out of my “reaction” zone of becoming triggered by the person’s energy, I can let myself feel compassion and love for whatever is causing their negativity. Sending someone love in the moment is powerful! Whether its asking, “How can I support you?” or just imagining love heading their way, try sending love instead of going down the rabbit hole of their negative energy. You might be surprised to discover that this is yet another energetic counter-move.
  5. I am so NOT perfect: In personal relationships, it’s also very helpful for me to acknowledge that I’m not always rainbows and unicorns. I know, shocking, but true. I can be negative, cranky, irritable and all the other things that set me off when I experience them in someone else. I get this way when I’m overstimulated, drained and haven’t been taking good enough care of my energy. So, when I find myself getting caught in #3 above, thinking, “If only they would (fill in the blank of the thing I want them to stop doing), then I could be happy,” I know I’ve entered dangerous territory.

Remember, you are responsible for yourself and your energy. You are responsible for taking care of yourself and doing your best to honor your energy and the energy of those around you. And be gentle with yourself. It’s not always easy work, is it? Sometimes you just need to dream about the day when you have your own sound-proofed, feng-shui’d house right next door to your family with a tunnel that connects them below ground. Or your own office…or your own (fill in the blank…..)

With so much love,

P.S. If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person and would like some tips on empowering your own Inner Badass, I’ve written a special FREE eBook just for you.

Free eBook: From Highly Sensitive Hot Mess to Highly Sensitive Badass: 8 Steps to Empowerment for Highly-Sensitive People, Empaths and Intuitives.

Simply sign up below and it will be delivered right to your inbox! You’ll also get my blog posts delivered via email.

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You can also find me on Facebook and Instagram.



Cortney is a transformational coach, writer, speaker, mentor for Highly Sensitive Badasses TM, and founder of the coaching program: The Sensitive Badass Badass Personal Coaching Program and the Sensitive Badass Sisterhood. She is passionate about helping women tap into their unique brilliance through divine self-care so they can live their highest purpose and reach their full potential. She offers private and group transformational and empowerment coaching programs for highly sensitive and empathic women.

Cortney earned a B.A. from Vassar College in Art History and a Masters of Architecture from Catholic University. Following her heart later in life, she became certified as a health coach with the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. She became a “health architect,” dealing with her own health crisis and struggle to manage anxiety and depression. She is also a proud graduate of Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts Mastery program, a NYC institution that teaches women to use the power of pleasure to have their way with the world.

Cortney lives in Baltimore with her 2 kids, her dog and her husband. A passionate traveler, photographer, gardener and foodie, when she isn’t dancing or listening to music (her favorite things!), Cortney is all about engaging all of her senses in service to her inner badass—and awakening the inner badass in every highly sensitive person she encounters!

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  1. Mihaela Lica Butler March 8, 2017 at 6:55 am Reply

    I tend to be very affected by other people’s negativity and I usually leave the room if I cannot cope, but not before try to defuse the situation. Thanks for the tips!

    • thehighlysensitivebadass March 9, 2017 at 5:43 pm Reply

      You’re welcome, Mihaela! 🙂

  2. Barb Parcells March 8, 2017 at 12:32 pm Reply

    Thanks for the tips and tools!

    • thehighlysensitivebadass March 9, 2017 at 5:42 pm Reply

      You’re welcome, Barb!

  3. Erin March 8, 2017 at 1:21 pm Reply

    I loved this!!! Exactly what needed to settle in me today. Thank you!!!!

    • thehighlysensitivebadass March 9, 2017 at 5:42 pm Reply

      You’re so welcome, Erin!!

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