When I discovered my highly-sensitive nature, I felt like it explained everything. It was so comforting to know that I actually made sense on some level. One of the difficulties of going through life as an HSP is that often, other people can’t understand what life is like for you. How can they possibly understand that something so normal to them is impacting you on a whole other level?

Before I understood why I was reacting the way I was in certain situations and with certain people, I couldn’t figure out the “why” behind it. All I knew was that what was bugging the shit out of me, or making me insanely sad, or overwhelming me, was seemingly easy for them to handle. No wonder so many of us feel like something is wrong with us! Once I understood the “why” behind my responses to the stimuli around me, I thought, “Finally! I can explain myself to other people and they’ll get me! They will finally understand and my life will be so much easier.” Right? Wrong.

The truth is, when I’ve attempted to explain what being highly sensitive is, most non-HSP’s don’t get it. It’s so far from who they are that it’s like trying to describe color to the color blind. I’ve gotten so many glossed-over looks of confusion from people, that I’ve come to terms with the fact that non-HSP’s can’t really “get” it. And that’s ok! It really, really is. It’s not personal. We don’t need to have other people understand us. We just need to understand ourselves.

I’m married to a non-HSP. I love him dearly, but oh my god, he so doesn’t get it. At. All. When I first started reading about the trait, I was a bundle of excitement and I couldn’t shut up about it. It was so fascinating to me and I assumed that he would be all over it! I thought he’d want to pick up the book and read it cover to cover so that he could better understand me. I was also so excited because now I could tell him exactly how to act, what to say, how to treat me so that I would feel comfortable all the time when I was with him. Yippee! I was also completely psyched about explaining the trait to the rest of my family so that they would also know how to treat me! I was going to tell the world, and surely, the world would bend over backward to accommodate me. Life was going to be so much easier.

Well, this did not happen. My husband still doesn’t get it. He doesn’t regulate his behavior because it might upset me. He still creeps up behind me, grabs me suddenly, scaring the shit out of me. He still slams doors. He turns on bright lights without warning me first. He asks me a million questions in the span of a minute turning me into a stressed out mess. The point is, he is still who he is. It was up to me to learn to accept him for who he was and accept that he was not going to change his nature to accommodate mine. I needed to learn how to manage my mind, my responses and my energy. I couldn’t put the ball in his court, and I couldn’t expect the world to make special accommodations for me.

It’s all about how I respond to it. It’s about me.

And now, here’s my video on my experience with this!

With so much love,

P.S. If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person and would like some tips on empowering your own Inner Badass, I’ve written a special FREE eBook just for you.

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Cortney is a transformational coach, writer, speaker, mentor for Highly Sensitive Badasses TM, and founder of the coaching program: The Sensitive Badass Badass Personal Coaching Program and the Sensitive Badass Sisterhood. She is passionate about helping women tap into their unique brilliance through divine self-care so they can live their highest purpose and reach their full potential. She offers private and group transformational and empowerment coaching programs for highly sensitive and empathic women.

Cortney earned a B.A. from Vassar College in Art History and a Masters of Architecture from Catholic University. Following her heart later in life, she became certified as a health coach with the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. She became a “health architect,” dealing with her own health crisis and struggle to manage anxiety and depression. She is also a proud graduate of Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts Mastery program, a NYC institution that teaches women to use the power of pleasure to have their way with the world.

Cortney lives in Baltimore with her 2 kids, her dog and her husband. A passionate traveler, photographer, gardener and foodie, when she isn’t dancing or listening to music (her favorite things!), Cortney is all about engaging all of her senses in service to her inner badass—and awakening the inner badass in every highly sensitive person she encounters!

Are you Highly Sensitive? Take the quiz at thehighlysensitivebadass.com

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2 Comments
 
  1. Jess May 27, 2016 at 10:01 am Reply

    Hi Courtney, I can relate to this post very well. I am 26 years old now but from young, I always thought I am poorly understood by people and felt very lonely and wanted to seek out friends who can understand me. I find it hard to form lasting friendships as I find it difficult when people fall short of their behaviour and the trust is then broken. Fast forward to all the struggles, I still have very few friends whom I allow myself to be vulnerable to and not surprisingly, when I found out about my HSP nature, I realise the friends who have actually stuck by me through thick and thin and showed consistency in the friendship displayed many of the HSP traits.

  2. Jess May 27, 2016 at 10:01 am Reply

    Hi Courtney, I can relate to this post very well. I am 26 years old now but from young, I always thought I am poorly understood by people and felt very lonely and wanted to seek out friends who can understand me. I find it hard to form lasting friendships as I find it difficult when people fall short of their behaviour and the trust is then broken. Fast forward to all the struggles, I still have very few friends whom I allow myself to be vulnerable to and not surprisingly, when I found out about my HSP nature, I realise the friends who have actually stuck by me through thick and thin and showed consistency in the friendship displayed many of the HSP traits.

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