For days I’ve been running.
Putting up my shield.
Internally raging and saying, “No! I won’t go with you. I don’t want to go there. I want to stay here. Please go away.”
Here is the light. My joy. My happiness. My enthusiasm. My motivation. My drive. My passion.
There is my shadow. My dark. Depression. Slow. Internal. Lazy. Tears perched right behind my eyes.
I’ve experienced the massive resistance of my inner voices telling me to run away. To think my way out of it. To do everything in my power to make it disappear so I can stay in my light. I’ve exercised. I’ve danced. I’ve used my light box. I’ve meditated. I’ve socialized and met with friends. I’ve bathed myself in positivity and motivation.
Yet, it’s still here. My shadow. Settling in, and desiring some time with me.
This past year has been spent making friends with my dark. Learning to lean into it. Welcome it. Accept it. Love it.
Because it’s part of me, and I’ve spent my entire life trying to eradicate it, when instead, it’s my choice to love it. To love all of me. To love and accept my cycles, my seasons.
So I will acknowledge it. Say hello. Invite it in as a guest, knowing that it won’t stay forever.
So for today, I will not run.
I will write.
I will go slow.
I will light a fire and incense.
I will take a bath.
I will love myself.
I will walk in the sunshine.
I will cuddle with my dog.
I will find my self-compassion.
I will be quiet.
I will just be.
Because after the night, comes the light.
With you in light and dark,